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And then her mood ring just...exploded
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.