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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
never tell a lie...unless it is true
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.