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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...