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Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.