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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.