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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Home is where the pants aren`t.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?