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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
Word for the day is asstard
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait