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You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
is available for rebound sex.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.