Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.