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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.