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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account