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I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Iām starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"