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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.