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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.