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Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.