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Cashiers are always checking me out.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Don’t jump to confusions.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever