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I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360