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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"