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I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.