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The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.