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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.