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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.