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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.