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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.