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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
I had your cake and ate it too.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.