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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.