Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?