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I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
I play hard to get along with.