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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!