Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.