Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.