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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands