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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.