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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
I`m tired of things costing money
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.