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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Some of my best memories are naps.
I`m tired of things costing money
life is short play naked
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
You have no idea how funny I am to me.