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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores