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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.