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I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.