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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.