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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
I just made you think of an elephant
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?