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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.