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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?