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I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
I dream about naps.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....