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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.