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There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.