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It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.