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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.