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Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.