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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Being an American is awesome. The end.
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise