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You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.