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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.