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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.